Hi team,

bit delayed this one due to a disturbance in the Force.  No, not the latest star wars movie.  I had a bit of a wobbly the other week and have been told I had a small stroke, or as close as you can get to one.  A TIA they call it.  Just the body being told by the body to slow down a bit, drink (water) and take care of yourself.  All good though.  Must have been, because I drove myself to hospital.  So it was brought to my attention by absolutely everybody (including a cleaner) that if you have an existing condition that you need to slow down for, then maybe you should do.  Scare the sh1t out of me, so it is less stress at work, and more time thinking about and maybe playing golf.  Maybe I will eventually change old habits.

I thought I would try and relive some of the better moments I have had with the dogs in my life.  Most families I knew growing up had a pet.  Be it a cat or a dog, and in some cases both.  We always seemed to be blessed with one or both for most of the time I remember.  My grandparents in Tamworth had a Ginger cat called Timmy and a Red Setter Labrador cross called Penny.  My memories are they were old when I met them and didn’t live much longer having two rambunctious toddlers running around with my sister and me.  Penny used to love her walks, however, wouldn’t go anywhere unless she was carrying the lead.   Sort of defeated the purpose, but seemed to work.

We moved into our new house that we rented from the government, and were promised a dog.  Along came the most placid and loyal labrador called Suzy.  We had to call her Suzy because my grandfather couldn’t remember names very well and all girls were Suzy.   Probably not quite PC these days.  Suzy went everywhere with us and particularly on Sunday Mornings when I used to do the Paper Run.  Some may remember that papers were sold door to door in the 70’s, not at the 7/11 or servo only.  I used to do a paper run 6 days a week during my first years in High School and at times earned more money with tips etc than my Dad working 40 Hrs/week.  Saw some sights too, wandering out the door not wanting to miss the paper.  Various states of undress, sobriety and new found friends.  One person complained though and said my dog was vicious because she barked at them and that was the end of my Dog on the Worksite.

Suzy passed away and we had Timmy the ginger cat.  A lot like Garfield.  Would only eat fresh mince and then would lie on your chest whilst you were trying to get some sleep.  Had to move him because he was so heavy you couldn’t breathe.  That and the toothless breath and loud purring keeping you awake meant for some long winter nights.

Then I joined the Navy and I missed the companionship of a dog greatly.  Someone to sit with and discuss the days issues, throw the ball for, go for swims.  You get the idea.  After having had a dog for my whole life, the next 10 years were pretty empty for the companionship that I had been used to.

After Adelle and I married, we decided that a dog was needed by us both in our new home.  Little did we know that owning a dog as an adult is way different to a child.  Dog proofing a yard for starters, vets bills are another.  Unfortunately our klutz of a dog combined both of these for quite a while.

It should have been a sign when we bought our first dog from Pets Paradise.  I put my hand into the pen to decide which of the two German Shepherds we would take home.  One of them crawled to my hand and dropped their head on my wrist and hand and looked so comfortable.  Aaaww this is the one I thought.  The other one (his sister) just sat in the corner watching.  I hate spending money and we decided to only purchase the one.   Unsuccessfully, we went back the next day to buy the girl as well, but she had gone.  Disappointed, we returned home to our first borne and a new way of life.

Well it certainly appears that the long days of sunshine, BBQ’s out the back and shorts are behind us.  At least in my neck of the woods.  I’ve noticed that the beanies and scarves are out and that a few of my golf partners have put on long pants.

You know you would think I had a plan when I sit down to write these.  But No..  I just start and finish when I’ve had enough.  There was a couple of things I wanted to say.  Anzac Day has been and gone.   A day full of hope, praise and promises to our current and ex Serving Members.  Mostly forgotten by the 27th.  My long suffering bride and I celebrated our Wedding Anniversary a couple of days later, which helped soften the deflation of the Post Anzac celebrations.  28 years she has put up with me.  I salute her and appreciate her being around me every day.  With my deterioration with Parkinson’s, I fully appreciate her efforts to keep me on Mother Earth.  Some days you just want to stay in Bed..

You know, I am always writing negative stuff.  Last weekend I had the privilege of speaking to a group of people who had recently been diagnosed with Parkinsons.  I am used to standing in front of people telling them how to get out of burning buildings, run away from an Active Shooter or similar, but this one  filled me a kind of fear.  Am I  unusual in the way I have dealt with the condition and would what I say be what the Group wanted to hear.  I themed the whole 15 minutes on 007 – James Bond, Shaken not Stirred.  15 minutes and I was sh1tting myself.  Anyway, the Seminar went for 2 hours and I was the last one up.  First off, I had prepared a little slide show of my life and my considered achievements since being diagnosed.  Jaynet Photos and this blog being one of them.  Then I went into the way I deal with the condition, working, driving, playing sport and trying to be a dad and husband.

As the seminar progressed, the Key Note speaker and Neurological Nurse specialising in Parkys and the head of Parkinsons Victoria had a slide show showing symptoms, treatments, drugs to assist etc.  I had to take notes, there was me on the screen.  My wife Adelle was with me and every symptom, dot point etc was what I dealt with on a regular basis.  Did I have to change my presentation because of it.  No.  I was shown to be a normal person with Parkinsons.  My confidence levels grew and I felt empowered to present to the group my history and where I am today.

People were inquiring about holidays.  I told them that all the photos they were looking at from around Australia and the UK were since I had been diagnosed.  They inquired about Sport.  I had to remind them that we will never be the same but that my handicap in golf had come from 21 to 14 in the last 15 months.  An achievement for any golfer.  Set your mind to it and with a bit of work it may come to fruition or very close to.

It reminded me of the tasks given to me during my second time in the Navy.  Being one of the older members of my Peers, I was generally tasked with mentoring the new lads into the ways of a Disciplined workforce that is the Military.  Despite having to do the same training as them to gain promotion, I accepted the challenge with pleasure.  In some instances it worked both ways, because a number assisted me in the new ways of the Navy.  One particular sailor was given to me as a personal project.  He was threatened with discharge if he did not correct his insubordinate ways and knuckle down.  I was given 6 months.  In that time we were deployed throughout Asia.  I assisted him in completing his requirements for promotion, but more importantly a little of me rubbed off on him as he “Mentored” other sailors to be better at what they did.  Bzzz-Ah went on to complete 12 years I think before he left the Service to spend more time with his young family.  A decision I of course tried to talk him out of, but nevertheless supported as it was for the right reasons.

Sadly, today the young family don’t talk to me and mine.  They believe I was trying to poison their relationship, but they have found God, not just another ‘P’ Rate.  Many of our colleagues are disappointed for us, as they know what a special relationship Cedric and I had.  Still, I continue to give fatherly advice to anyone that will listen.  I’m not always right, or what they want to hear but I speak what I believe is right.  As I always say to friends, I am not religious, but I still live by the adage, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.   Would you like someone to do that to your Mum or yourself.

Just to finish up, I am stuck on YouTube at the moment.  The views from Space from the 4K Space Station, and I found a channel with Warships featured in rough seas.  God I miss being at sea.  The mateship, the trips, the loneliness or the solitude of being at sea is an experience only Mariners can explain, but one I miss every day.

Still there is Golf.

Goodnight Trendsetters, and go Roosters

Brigham Young

Hard to believe but Summer is over and the Footy season is back with us.  I say hard to believe because as I write this I sit in a pair of shorts with the AC on.  Being in Melbourne you know the hottest months are ahead of us.

The forecast of heat to come and the memory of the passing of my Dad this weekend two years ago, helps me remember those scorching summers back in Tamworth growing up. Over 40 during the day, dropping to the 30’s overnight, no Aircon then.  Wetter after drying yourself from a shower than when you stepped out, and trying to stay awake at school while your arms stuck to the desk with sweat.  No hats, Slip Slop Slap or even sunglasses then.  I remember waking up and the sheets had a wet imprint of you from sweating overnight.  Had the same experience on my first sea posting on HMAS Melbourne, the old Aircraft carrier.  Combined with the diesel that had had impregnated your skin, your sheets didn’t last long.  With very little water, though, they were only washed once a week.  We tried to stay hygenic but whilst in the tropics, room temps were not conducive to doonas and blankets.  Thought I would beat it after a visit to the Philippines.  I bought a hammock.  Thought I would sleep on the open deck area under the flight deck.  South China Sea, Tropical Islands left and right, glorious sunsets, cooling afternoon sea breeze.  Idyllic eh??  Forgot about night flying didn’t I.  Started at 10, launching aircraft by a steam catapult straight above my head.  First and Last night in that great spot.  Last time I didn’t read Daily Orders at sea.

Back to Tamworth and summers.  Without even daylight saving (can’t remember when that started), it was light relatively early and the sun didn’t go down until late.  I can hear people going Deerrrr!!  For a young kid growing up early was probably about 6.30 and late was after 8.  I started playing golf at a relatively early age and used to go to the cours on the way home from school to practice or just play a couple of holes until I thought I would have to walk home in the dark.  Summers and most holidays were spent at the course.  50 balls, 9 holes, 100 balls, 18 holes.  Every day except when it rained.  Wanted to be a Golf Pro, but discovered Alcohol, cigarettes and girls.  Basically in that order.  Golf wasn’t a great enticement for girls, so I tended to concentrate on the first two.

After my parents split, we spent the summer holidays going to our Grandparents place on the other side of the river.  Mum would drive us, or I would ride my bike.   Had a couple of good prangs when I was forced off the road by cars or trucks.  Still got some scars today.  Pa was offered a holiday shack over near Coffs Harbour, and found a great little hotel in Sawtell and that was where we spent a couple of weeks each summer.

Then I got a job that included weekends and that was the end of that.   I was never out of a job, but back then we had 6 day trading, with Retailers shutting at 12, yes 12 lunchtime on Saturdays.  I was on the tee by 1.

You would think that with all the exposure to golf I would be good.  Alas, as they say it is 75% in your mind, and mine was easily distracted.  When it’s on it is very good, but when it is off, ho boy, it is terrible.  I got down as low as 4 as a Junior and 9 as an Adult, but after I joined the RAN, my rounds of golf were sporadic and were driven by wanting to show everyone how good I was.  Could never repeat it, but started to show me how insecure and desperate for approval I was and to an extent still are.

I have always worked, since I was 12.  Paper runs from 12 – 15, Golf Caddy, Pulling petrol, Sales assistant at Big W, then the Navy.  Post Navy 1, I did Customer Service and Estimating, Storeman, Process Worker (Dog food), and then back for Navy 2.  Since then I have been a Manager, Trainer, Auditor in Australia and Overseas and all in the Fire and Emergency Response Industry.  As one of my old bosses said to me, it is not common to find your niche in life, but I think I have.  Having said that, I would love to work because I want to, not because I have to.

That might do for today.  I want to write a bit about my pets that I have had, but will keep that for another day.  Parky’s is starting to slow me down this afternoon, taking longer to type than I would like.  I hope you don’t mind reading a bit about my early life.   You won’t read much about my parents because I don’t have a lot of memories of them.

Go Roosters

Youngy

Afternoon trendsetters, another chapter that I have been thinking of for a while.  I started this believe it or not at 35000 feet on a Qantas A380 on my way to the UK with Adelle and a quickly organised White Christmas trip.

I don’t know if it is just me, but I lose my way every now and then and forgot what direction if anything I am going.  I need direction, purpose and Goals.  Any of my former bosses reading this would raise their eyebrows at Goals, because I am unable to really set them.  I have targets but refuse to set timelines, because in most things I want to achieve, I can’t plan for all contingencies.  I am not OCD, ADHD or anything like that, I just like to achieve.  I want to get my Golf Handicap back to single figures (21 last year with a swing change, 14 now, pleasing but not there), I wanted to retire from full time work at 55 (8 months to go but a GFC wasn’t kind).  Things like that.  I am sure that a lot of my ex Navy colleagues are in the same boat.  A lot harder to control your destiny as a civilian than it was in Grey.   In Grey, you had a checklist, complete that, keep your nose clean and you will achieve the next rung in the ladder.  You control it.  Not the same achievement structure coming home every night.  But that is the tradeoff we face.  Sometimes hard to swallow, but that is it.

I was, and to a degree still am, heavily conflicted with what I want out of this life.  That includes the life I  chose to leave the Service for.  I have a strong desire to find a small coastal village somewhere (maybe no in Australia), and just be that fella that sits in the corner of the bar, always got a half glass, watching the sport of TV and living just a quiet existence.  No more decisions of a First World Nature, no more rolling my eyes at these Knuckleheads sitting in the seats of Power, making big about a trivial matter.  Just walking up the street, getting the paper, saying good morning to Joe and Mrs Smith, and playing golf twice a week.  I know it is not possible as I have commitments, but at the same time it is just getting harder.

My Neurologist says I am managing and living with my Parkinsons quite well, and I shouldn’t be frustrated, but it is frustrating when you come from what I was doing 10 years ago, both at sea and ashore, and now you have times when you can’t put your change in your wallet, you can’t stay out because fatigue causes your body to shut down and you are driving yourself to not let down other members of your family.  Despite saying it’s ok, personally it’s not.  That is  my self indulgent release for this edition.

For those that haven’t been to the Mother Country and continue to travel to Asia, take a punt.  I too still miss Asia, as it is comfortable, we can order beers in about 10 languages and we want to show our loved ones where we committed carnage.  Having said that, the feeling of comfort and and security whilst walking around the UK was one I have not felt since I left home.

I understand but don’t appreciate why us, when we talk about depression.  A lot of us have PTSD but can’t relate a specific incident that caused it.  There may not be one, it may be cumulative, long hours high intensity, STG all over us, all contribute.  I think a lot of us have Separation anxiety from the loss of structure.  Some FIFO workers have a sense of comfort when at work, moreso than at home, because their workplace is a structured environment again.  If you’re nodding your head, see someone, VVCS is a good number to contact.  Supported by DVA but not part of, so that unease of dealing with DVA is removed.

Gotta go, but I thank everyone on my Facebook page that commented on the last chapter, I might write a book, but mostly the people that get something out of this.  We are not doing this alone.  This is cleansing for me and helps me focus and enjoy life.  If I help someone talk to someone else – Job Done.

Go Roosters, and I will try and liven it up for the next one.

Youngy

I often sit amazed at the news on the TV, particularly following the Leader of the Free World in the US.  We all in this fine planet thought it ominous when the Donald was elected 12 months ago, but thought, give it a go, a chance to have a businessman in the Oval Office, not a Career Politician or Lawyer.

We, I think, are all bemused however at the response to the continued use of weapons and the tragic loss of life in the US.  Innocent people going to school, church or even a Music concert.  The Donald’s reaction.  It’s  a US Citizen, lets promote more weapons for all.  A mindset that I simply cannot understand.  A naturalised, Mid Eastern gentleman, drives a car through a crowd, Close the Borders is the cry.  Both incidents are abhorrent, but the solution from the White House is poles apart.

I have said publicly and now here, these Martyrs/Patriots are nothing more than cowards.  Once they start planning strategic targets, they may get more attention.  At present, people are committed to living their lives as normal and stuff em.

I fully appreciate the world has changed.  I grew up leaving the house open, didn’t get a front door key until I was 15.  Didn’t need it.  Joined the military and started travelling the world.  It was free and easy and despite a few “altercations” with locals in my first couple of years, the world was sorting itself out.

In 2001, just after the World Trade Centre, myself and three other colleagues were finished with our course and posted Immediately back to sea.  Terrorism had hit the Free World not just the Middle East.  A scary time for all as we had no clue what was in front of us.  The next 12 months were the most intensive of my life as we prepared for what we thought might occur and deployed to the Persian Gulf.  More about that and my return to Life without a War Footing later.

How does this relate to the Donald.  The world in 2001 confronted full on to the threat and recognised the tools of trade.  Arming yourself at home (whilst applauded by the US Constitution) did not intend for civilians to arm themselves with fully automatic weapons (note plural) that were designed to kill other humans at long range and painfully.

The US like to tell us what to do with out Military Policy, maybe its time to raise our voice back with this ridiculous and frightening policy.

Rant Over….

I have often wanted to write a book, but thought this may be the best way to test the water.  As ex-military people know, we have way too many stories and experiences to remember and forget, but don’t really want to do either.